Reflections

I sit tonight, thinking back on our time in China with Miao and if done over again, what would have been done differently, what perhaps we "should have done" and how our situation was so unique, in that Miao, may have been classified as an orphan but in reality, she was much better off than most orphans in China. I also feel a strong need to share our experience with others, just in case it offers help to another family, who may find themselves in a similiar situation. (Though, I don't wish this nightmire on my worst enemy, much less another fellow adoptive family!)

Miao came to us with a cell phone, name brand luggage, nicer than our very own luggage, name brand clothing, money that valued over $100.00 US dollars and a savings account.  She was fortunate to be attending a boarding school.  Though, a few other girls from her orphanage also attended the boarding school.  She was mature beyond what we expected.  Our guide felt she was as well.

First and foremost mistake, we should have taken the cell phone.  When discovering her cell phone, my immediate, gut-feeling was to take it from her....but then, I talked myself out of it, thinking, she's just meeting us, we don't want to come across strong...my husband agreed.  We allowed her to keep the cell phone.  She was on it constantly, texting back-and-forth.  At night, she carried on, talking on the phone.

We later learned through an interpreter, she was calling and texting for someone to come and get her.  She would tell people where we were going and attempt to find someone to meet her at the location and take her away from us.  Thankfully, no one ever came to take her....it would have been very akward to be out in public and have her trying to leave.  She was about 1 inch taller than I.....my husband has a bad back.  Running her down to carry her back to the taxi, would have been difficult. Needless to say, we had our 4 year old son with us, also adopted from China, who had only been with us for exactly 1 year.  He was still transitioning himself. 

If your older child comes with a cell phone and your gut feeling is to take it....BY GOLLY, TAKE IT!!!! TAKE THE CELL PHONE!!!  If you don't want to look like a bad guy, have the guide take it from the child.  Looking back, that was our first mistake.

Day 3 was D-Day....disaster day...the day we parted...for good.  While having lunch at Lucy's, our guide phoned and joined us within minutes.  We later learned, she was waiting for us to arrive to the island, so that she could meet with us and have the orphanage director and assistant director, join us.  This is when it all fell apart....we were completely oblivious to what had been going on for the past 2 days...oblivious to Miaos intentions and her many attempts to leave.

We had 45 minutes to make a lifetime, life changing decision...either force Miao to come home with us or she remains in China....Miao's desire was to stay in China...she did not want to come to the US with us.  The entire 45 minutes, our guide and the orphanage directors were conversing with Miao.  Miao was not coming with us...this was the longest and worst 45 minutes of our lives.  We had no one to call for consultation..we did not have any emergency phone numbers with us and there is a 13 hour time difference.  We teared up, we prayed, we worried......it was all we could do at the time. 

SECOND MISTAKE: WHEN TRAVELING TO ADOPT AN OLDER CHILD, OR PERHAPS ANY CHILD FOR THAT MATTER, TAKE EMERGENCY PHONE NUMBERS.  ASK YOUR AGENCY FOR THEIR CONTENGENCY PLAN IF PROBLEMS ARISE THAT YOUR GUIDE CAN'T HANDLE OR IF QUESTIONS ARISE THE GUIDE CAN'T ANSWER. 

TAKE EMERGENCY PHONE NUMBERS FOR YOUR ADOPTION AGENCY AND IF POSSIBLE, YOUR SOCIAL WORKER.

We spoke with our guide about the fate of Miao's future...we learned that Miao's orphange is very rare, in the fact children are not "forced" to leave the orphanage, like other orphanages around China.  This orphanage has the money to allow orphans to continue living there.  They also currently have orphans living there in their mid 20's.  We also learned that Miao's foster father and grandmother wanted to continue caring for her.  They very much wanted her to remain in China.  Miao had 3 options for her future, a family in the US, a foster family in China or the orphanage. 

Orphanage fees/miscellaneous fees/province fees-we had already paid all the orphanage/province/miscellaneous fees.  Should you find yourself in our situation, ask about the return of the money.  We didn't get all of our money back, like the miscellaneous administrative/province fees but we did get the orphanage fees returned to us....in Chinese money-RMB. 

EXCHANGE THE RMB BACK TO US DOLLARS, BEFORE RETURNING TO THE US.  THERE'S NO PROMISE, ONCE YOU LEAVE CHINA, THE MONEY WILL BE EXCHANGED. 

Our guide was fabulous!  It took us going to 3 different banks in GZ before finding a bank that was able to do the exchange for us.  It was a large sum of money to be in China, looking for US dollars. 

TO EXCHANGE THE MONEY FROM RMB BACK TO US DOLLARS, YOU MUST HAVE THE MONEY RECEIPTS THE CHINA BANK GAVE YOU WHEN EXCHANGING THE US DOLLARS TO RMB. 

Yes, save those receipts!  The exchange takes place on a day when you're excited about meeting your child, your anxious to do the exchange and continue on with your trip...BUT, BE WISE, SAVE THOSE RECEIPTS!!

We think of Miao from time-to-time......we pray for her.....I shed tears on her birthday....it's not easy letting  go of someone who was a part of your life for a solid year and was to become your child.

We want to thank all the families that extended support to our family through prayer...we are forever grateful for those prayers.  We are thankful to the wonderful supportive friends we met during this adoption journey, we were blessed to have met some wonderful people!

It's been a long 8 months but God doesn't close a door without opening a window.....we now have a new blessing in our life and are looking toward the future and continuing to grow our family through adoption.