I sit tonight, thinking back on our time in China with Miao and if done over again, what would have been done differently, what perhaps we "should have done" and how our situation was so unique, in that Miao, may have been classified as an orphan but in reality, she was much better off than most orphans in China. I also feel a strong need to share our experience with others, just in case it offers help to another family, who may find themselves in a similiar situation. (Though, I don't wish this nightmire on my worst enemy, much less another fellow adoptive family!)
Miao came to us with a cell phone, name brand luggage, nicer than our very own luggage, name brand clothing, money that valued over $100.00 US dollars and a savings account. She was fortunate to be attending a boarding school. Though, a few other girls from her orphanage also attended the boarding school. She was mature beyond what we expected. Our guide felt she was as well.
First and foremost mistake, we should have taken the cell phone. When discovering her cell phone, my immediate, gut-feeling was to take it from her....but then, I talked myself out of it, thinking, she's just meeting us, we don't want to come across strong...my husband agreed. We allowed her to keep the cell phone. She was on it constantly, texting back-and-forth. At night, she carried on, talking on the phone.
We later learned through an interpreter, she was calling and texting for someone to come and get her. She would tell people where we were going and attempt to find someone to meet her at the location and take her away from us. Thankfully, no one ever came to take her....it would have been very akward to be out in public and have her trying to leave. She was about 1 inch taller than I.....my husband has a bad back. Running her down to carry her back to the taxi, would have been difficult. Needless to say, we had our 4 year old son with us, also adopted from China, who had only been with us for exactly 1 year. He was still transitioning himself.
If your older child comes with a cell phone and your gut feeling is to take it....BY GOLLY, TAKE IT!!!! TAKE THE CELL PHONE!!! If you don't want to look like a bad guy, have the guide take it from the child. Looking back, that was our first mistake.
Day 3 was D-Day....disaster day...the day we parted...for good. While having lunch at Lucy's, our guide phoned and joined us within minutes. We later learned, she was waiting for us to arrive to the island, so that she could meet with us and have the orphanage director and assistant director, join us. This is when it all fell apart....we were completely oblivious to what had been going on for the past 2 days...oblivious to Miaos intentions and her many attempts to leave.
We had 45 minutes to make a lifetime, life changing decision...either force Miao to come home with us or she remains in China....Miao's desire was to stay in China...she did not want to come to the US with us. The entire 45 minutes, our guide and the orphanage directors were conversing with Miao. Miao was not coming with us...this was the longest and worst 45 minutes of our lives. We had no one to call for consultation..we did not have any emergency phone numbers with us and there is a 13 hour time difference. We teared up, we prayed, we worried......it was all we could do at the time.
SECOND MISTAKE: WHEN TRAVELING TO ADOPT AN OLDER CHILD, OR PERHAPS ANY CHILD FOR THAT MATTER, TAKE EMERGENCY PHONE NUMBERS. ASK YOUR AGENCY FOR THEIR CONTENGENCY PLAN IF PROBLEMS ARISE THAT YOUR GUIDE CAN'T HANDLE OR IF QUESTIONS ARISE THE GUIDE CAN'T ANSWER.
TAKE EMERGENCY PHONE NUMBERS FOR YOUR ADOPTION AGENCY AND IF POSSIBLE, YOUR SOCIAL WORKER.
We spoke with our guide about the fate of Miao's future...we learned that Miao's orphange is very rare, in the fact children are not "forced" to leave the orphanage, like other orphanages around China. This orphanage has the money to allow orphans to continue living there. They also currently have orphans living there in their mid 20's. We also learned that Miao's foster father and grandmother wanted to continue caring for her. They very much wanted her to remain in China. Miao had 3 options for her future, a family in the US, a foster family in China or the orphanage.
Orphanage fees/miscellaneous fees/province fees-we had already paid all the orphanage/province/miscellaneous fees. Should you find yourself in our situation, ask about the return of the money. We didn't get all of our money back, like the miscellaneous administrative/province fees but we did get the orphanage fees returned to us....in Chinese money-RMB.
EXCHANGE THE RMB BACK TO US DOLLARS, BEFORE RETURNING TO THE US. THERE'S NO PROMISE, ONCE YOU LEAVE CHINA, THE MONEY WILL BE EXCHANGED.
Our guide was fabulous! It took us going to 3 different banks in GZ before finding a bank that was able to do the exchange for us. It was a large sum of money to be in China, looking for US dollars.
TO EXCHANGE THE MONEY FROM RMB BACK TO US DOLLARS, YOU MUST HAVE THE MONEY RECEIPTS THE CHINA BANK GAVE YOU WHEN EXCHANGING THE US DOLLARS TO RMB.
Yes, save those receipts! The exchange takes place on a day when you're excited about meeting your child, your anxious to do the exchange and continue on with your trip...BUT, BE WISE, SAVE THOSE RECEIPTS!!
We think of Miao from time-to-time......we pray for her.....I shed tears on her birthday....it's not easy letting go of someone who was a part of your life for a solid year and was to become your child.
We want to thank all the families that extended support to our family through prayer...we are forever grateful for those prayers. We are thankful to the wonderful supportive friends we met during this adoption journey, we were blessed to have met some wonderful people!
It's been a long 8 months but God doesn't close a door without opening a window.....we now have a new blessing in our life and are looking toward the future and continuing to grow our family through adoption.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Great Sadness and Heavy Hearts
It is with great sadness to say that our daugther will not be returning home with us. As it turns out, we were one of three options our daughter had for her future....two of her options allowed her to remain in China and with a safe future. She chose not to be adopted and at her age, the choice is hers. The guide and orphange showed up unexpectantly during our lunch, the day we were to sign the final paper work. We knew it wasn't going well but thought it was part of the process of adoption with an older child. We had no idea the depth of the situation. The orphanage representatives and our guide spoke with her for 30 minutes and when leaving, they took her back with them to the orphange. We were completely caught off-gurd. It was very unexpectant. It was very sad.
This is a very rare situation and our guide who has handled adoptions for many years, says this is a first time she has seen this happen. We are sad and our hearts are heavy.
While this trip has been one of great sadness, we are thankful for the friends we've met on this journey, Sheila, Annie, Karen, Jagi, Beth, Kim, Kai, Johnny, Poppie, Stowell Family, Apryl and many others who have in one way or another touched our lives in a positve manner....the GSWI group has offered great support. Our guide Connie, handled our situation in a professional but personal manner. We could not have asked for a better guide. Our agency reached out to us, immediately. We are thankful to the friends and family God has placed in our path during our time of great sadness.
Once we return home, we will be on a plane 2 days later to get away as a family and begin to place this behind us and begin to heal. We're not ready for questions or to discuss in detail.
PS: It was very sad also knowing that Sterling was begining to accept her and was holding her hand when we walked out in public. The following morning, after she was gone, Sterling ran into the living area, searching for her. We had to tell him, she was gone. He did this for 2 solid mornings, before realizing she was not returning.
As most of you know, Sterling has been in our family for 1 year. He is the joy in our lives! There are still many concepts he does not understand and fortunately in this siutation, he had not yet understood what it meant to have a sister.
This is a very rare situation and our guide who has handled adoptions for many years, says this is a first time she has seen this happen. We are sad and our hearts are heavy.
While this trip has been one of great sadness, we are thankful for the friends we've met on this journey, Sheila, Annie, Karen, Jagi, Beth, Kim, Kai, Johnny, Poppie, Stowell Family, Apryl and many others who have in one way or another touched our lives in a positve manner....the GSWI group has offered great support. Our guide Connie, handled our situation in a professional but personal manner. We could not have asked for a better guide. Our agency reached out to us, immediately. We are thankful to the friends and family God has placed in our path during our time of great sadness.
Once we return home, we will be on a plane 2 days later to get away as a family and begin to place this behind us and begin to heal. We're not ready for questions or to discuss in detail.
PS: It was very sad also knowing that Sterling was begining to accept her and was holding her hand when we walked out in public. The following morning, after she was gone, Sterling ran into the living area, searching for her. We had to tell him, she was gone. He did this for 2 solid mornings, before realizing she was not returning.
As most of you know, Sterling has been in our family for 1 year. He is the joy in our lives! There are still many concepts he does not understand and fortunately in this siutation, he had not yet understood what it meant to have a sister.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Meeting Miao
Miao is a beautiful girl!
11/29/10: Gotcha Day or as we refer to it, "Family Day" held a wide realm of emotions for all. While we were filled with anticipation and excitement, Miao was sad, apprehensive and overwhelmed, as to be expected when after 13 years of the same routine, friendships and a foster father, she must leave it all behind.
She came with a suitecase of clothes and a cell phone from her foster father. We asked the guide to interpret that we love her, care for her and want her to be safe, asking her to always stay with us. We must stay together as a family during activities. She was asking to go to the bank alone but through the guide, we explained we must go together as a family. We will help her withdraw her funds, exchange to US dollars and ensure she has all of her money. We will not take any of her money. We were told the money was savings when the orphanage would send a monthly expense to her at school. She never spent it. I'm thinking possibly the foster father set-up the account for her. We don't know for sure only what Miao told us, through the interpreter.
We were at the Civil Affairs office for hours. There were many families meeting their children. After meeting Miao and completing the necessary paperwork required on the first day, we decided best to return to the hotel and have a low-key evening. We at dinner at the hotel and called it a night.
She and I sat in the living room together. She was sad and didn't make much eye contact. I extended comfort by providing her tissues when she started to cry. I wanted to hug her but didn't want to overwhelm her with affection. We were all exhausted from the day and fell asleep by 9:00 pm.
11/29/10: Gotcha Day or as we refer to it, "Family Day" held a wide realm of emotions for all. While we were filled with anticipation and excitement, Miao was sad, apprehensive and overwhelmed, as to be expected when after 13 years of the same routine, friendships and a foster father, she must leave it all behind.
She came with a suitecase of clothes and a cell phone from her foster father. We asked the guide to interpret that we love her, care for her and want her to be safe, asking her to always stay with us. We must stay together as a family during activities. She was asking to go to the bank alone but through the guide, we explained we must go together as a family. We will help her withdraw her funds, exchange to US dollars and ensure she has all of her money. We will not take any of her money. We were told the money was savings when the orphanage would send a monthly expense to her at school. She never spent it. I'm thinking possibly the foster father set-up the account for her. We don't know for sure only what Miao told us, through the interpreter.
We were at the Civil Affairs office for hours. There were many families meeting their children. After meeting Miao and completing the necessary paperwork required on the first day, we decided best to return to the hotel and have a low-key evening. We at dinner at the hotel and called it a night.
She and I sat in the living room together. She was sad and didn't make much eye contact. I extended comfort by providing her tissues when she started to cry. I wanted to hug her but didn't want to overwhelm her with affection. We were all exhausted from the day and fell asleep by 9:00 pm.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Waiting To Meet Miao
Preparing for a special day
We've been up since very early morning, Earl around 3:00 and myself shortly thereafter. Fortunately, Sterling seems to have had a good night's sleep, even though he woke at 4:00 am, immediately asking to eat. Thankfully, just moments before he woke, daddy had called room service to order food.
Sterling feel asleep around 8:00 pm last night, after a vigorous day of walking, swimming and playing. It was a great day yesterday with time spent on the beautiful island, Shamian Island. We spent about 5 hours relaxing at the Starbucks, walking around, taking pictures and discussing what Miao may be thinking during her last night at the orphanage.
After leaving the island, we returned to the hotel for lunch and to began unpacking Miao's luggage and preparing the room for her arrival. We have a mini-suite (thanks to dad's many travel points) and decided she will sleep in the living area, to allow her privacy, while the rest of us sleeps in the bedroom. Sterling is very happy with a pallet on the floor...funny, even at home, he is known to often get out of his bed and make a pallet on the floor. The kid loves sleeping on the floor.
Once we unpacked Miao's luggage, we all went for a swim at the hotel and believe it or not, on floor 22, Sterling spotted a playground across the street. Once we were done swimming, he continued asking to go play at the playground. Our evening was spent at the playground. The weather was and had been, perfect!
We look toward the day with anticipation! We are starting to decorate the hotel room with the banner and balloons, to welcome her home. We purchased Sterling a shirt on Shamian Island that says "little brother" in Chinese for him to wear today. We also learned last night that a family we've been in close contact with throughout the adoption, who also is adopting a 13 year old daughter from the same orphanage, will also be at the CCAA to meet their daughter. We will all be at the CCAA, together!!
We've seen many blessings throughout this adoption and God continues to show Himself in a mighty way!!! We learned only this morning that our plan for the McDonald's party just may happen!!! A total God thing. Originally, our travel agency said it wasn't possible, our friend attempted through her travel agency and that didn't work out and she also contacted a care package service for assistance and after much time and effort on their part it wasn't working out either.
This morning, as Earl was reading over the schedule for the week, on the day we visit the orphange, it also noted we are going to the local McDonald's for a party with some friends at the orphanage for our daughter. It took us by total surprise, because the original schedule did not list a party and when sending the final schedule, our travel contact stated, "no changes" same schedule as provided earlier. Thank goodness, I brought the party bags just in case something changed. By the grace of God, looks as though it did change!
We are scheduled to meet Miao at 2:30 today, which is 2:30 am Sunday night back home...so, when our family and friends wake on Monday morning, Miao will be in our family!!!
We've been up since very early morning, Earl around 3:00 and myself shortly thereafter. Fortunately, Sterling seems to have had a good night's sleep, even though he woke at 4:00 am, immediately asking to eat. Thankfully, just moments before he woke, daddy had called room service to order food.
Sterling feel asleep around 8:00 pm last night, after a vigorous day of walking, swimming and playing. It was a great day yesterday with time spent on the beautiful island, Shamian Island. We spent about 5 hours relaxing at the Starbucks, walking around, taking pictures and discussing what Miao may be thinking during her last night at the orphanage.
After leaving the island, we returned to the hotel for lunch and to began unpacking Miao's luggage and preparing the room for her arrival. We have a mini-suite (thanks to dad's many travel points) and decided she will sleep in the living area, to allow her privacy, while the rest of us sleeps in the bedroom. Sterling is very happy with a pallet on the floor...funny, even at home, he is known to often get out of his bed and make a pallet on the floor. The kid loves sleeping on the floor.
Once we unpacked Miao's luggage, we all went for a swim at the hotel and believe it or not, on floor 22, Sterling spotted a playground across the street. Once we were done swimming, he continued asking to go play at the playground. Our evening was spent at the playground. The weather was and had been, perfect!
We look toward the day with anticipation! We are starting to decorate the hotel room with the banner and balloons, to welcome her home. We purchased Sterling a shirt on Shamian Island that says "little brother" in Chinese for him to wear today. We also learned last night that a family we've been in close contact with throughout the adoption, who also is adopting a 13 year old daughter from the same orphanage, will also be at the CCAA to meet their daughter. We will all be at the CCAA, together!!
We've seen many blessings throughout this adoption and God continues to show Himself in a mighty way!!! We learned only this morning that our plan for the McDonald's party just may happen!!! A total God thing. Originally, our travel agency said it wasn't possible, our friend attempted through her travel agency and that didn't work out and she also contacted a care package service for assistance and after much time and effort on their part it wasn't working out either.
This morning, as Earl was reading over the schedule for the week, on the day we visit the orphange, it also noted we are going to the local McDonald's for a party with some friends at the orphanage for our daughter. It took us by total surprise, because the original schedule did not list a party and when sending the final schedule, our travel contact stated, "no changes" same schedule as provided earlier. Thank goodness, I brought the party bags just in case something changed. By the grace of God, looks as though it did change!
We are scheduled to meet Miao at 2:30 today, which is 2:30 am Sunday night back home...so, when our family and friends wake on Monday morning, Miao will be in our family!!!
Sunday Blog
It's Sunday afternoon and in exactly 24 hours, we will meet Miao! The 2 other families we've been in close contact with who are also adopting older girls, meet their daughters today. We keep thinking the phone may ring with it being the orphanage bringing Miao to us early but it hasn't happened yet. Thankfully because we are still unpacking Miao's suitecase and getting things set up for her arrival.
Our luggage arrived during the night, last night but not before being awaken 3 or 4 times with phone calls regarding them. Thankfully, when waking this morning, they were here! YEA..nothing like having your own toiletries and clean clothes.
We had a great day, spending time on Shamian Island. It's a beautiful island that is "known" for adoptive families. Two very popular hotels that are frequent by adoptive families are located on this island along with the medical clinic that all adoptive children must pass through.
We meet Miao in exactly 24 hours at 2:30 on Monday, 11/29. Back at home in Texas, it will be 2:30 am on Sunday night/Monday morning. We are excited and nervous. We are most nervous for our daughter and all the realm of emotions that must be passing through her thoughts today. She is 13 years old, has lived in the same place all of her life and tomorrow, her world will completely change. We've always said, Miao and Sterling are two of the most courageous and bravest individuals we will ever meet. Miao has never met us, yet she will take our hand and travel 1/2 way around the world to start a new life. That takes more courage than I will ever possess. We are blessed beyond measure to be chosen as her parents!
Our luggage arrived during the night, last night but not before being awaken 3 or 4 times with phone calls regarding them. Thankfully, when waking this morning, they were here! YEA..nothing like having your own toiletries and clean clothes.
We had a great day, spending time on Shamian Island. It's a beautiful island that is "known" for adoptive families. Two very popular hotels that are frequent by adoptive families are located on this island along with the medical clinic that all adoptive children must pass through.
We meet Miao in exactly 24 hours at 2:30 on Monday, 11/29. Back at home in Texas, it will be 2:30 am on Sunday night/Monday morning. We are excited and nervous. We are most nervous for our daughter and all the realm of emotions that must be passing through her thoughts today. She is 13 years old, has lived in the same place all of her life and tomorrow, her world will completely change. We've always said, Miao and Sterling are two of the most courageous and bravest individuals we will ever meet. Miao has never met us, yet she will take our hand and travel 1/2 way around the world to start a new life. That takes more courage than I will ever possess. We are blessed beyond measure to be chosen as her parents!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Greetings From China
We Made It!!
We are finally here, safe and sound. Our journey wasn't quite as smooth as last year (running at full force through Tokyo airport, luggage didn't make the flight) but we finally reached the hotel at about 11:30 PM last night. Our luggage is still in Tokyo but expected to arrive our hotel, late tonight. There is only 1 flight between Tokyo and Guangzhou and just our luck, it doesn't arrive GZ until 9:30 tonight. Either way, we welcome our luggage at any hour of the night!!!
It's 7:15pm on Saturday and I'm finally starting to feel somewhat coherent. We walked around the local mall today, "Tee-Mall' and ate lunch at McDonald's. We attempted to eat at the Pizza Hut but goodness, there was a very long line waiting to be seated. We opted out and crossed the street for McDonald's. Thank goodness for the golden arches when traveling abroad! McDonald's, KFC & Starbucks are quite popular here!
We are anxious for our luggage to arrive so we can unpack, have clean clothes, toiletries and our party goods. We plan to have a little, "welcome home" party in the hotel room with banners and balloons.
Only 2 days until we meet our beautiful daughter!
We are finally here, safe and sound. Our journey wasn't quite as smooth as last year (running at full force through Tokyo airport, luggage didn't make the flight) but we finally reached the hotel at about 11:30 PM last night. Our luggage is still in Tokyo but expected to arrive our hotel, late tonight. There is only 1 flight between Tokyo and Guangzhou and just our luck, it doesn't arrive GZ until 9:30 tonight. Either way, we welcome our luggage at any hour of the night!!!
It's 7:15pm on Saturday and I'm finally starting to feel somewhat coherent. We walked around the local mall today, "Tee-Mall' and ate lunch at McDonald's. We attempted to eat at the Pizza Hut but goodness, there was a very long line waiting to be seated. We opted out and crossed the street for McDonald's. Thank goodness for the golden arches when traveling abroad! McDonald's, KFC & Starbucks are quite popular here!
We are anxious for our luggage to arrive so we can unpack, have clean clothes, toiletries and our party goods. We plan to have a little, "welcome home" party in the hotel room with banners and balloons.
Only 2 days until we meet our beautiful daughter!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
China Bound-Tomorrow AM!!
I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. Isaiah 43:5
It's finally here.....it's been a tough couple of weeks but finally, it's time for us to leave!! We've been going non-stop rushing around gathering all that we need, getting the house in order, gathering copies of documents needed for the adoption, packing, trying to sort out problems with BOTIS a travel agency our adoption agency recommeneded and the list goes on BUT, once we board that plane, it's all a distant memory and what's been done is done....and what isn't, won't get done. The best news ever is that we are bringing our beautiful daughter home!!!
We have a direct flight from Houston to Tokyo....a short lay-over and then on to Guangzhou!! We'll be in GZ the entire trip....17 days! Our flight time will be approximately 18 hours and we will arrive our hotel, 24-25 hours after leaving Houston.
We meet our daughter on Monday, 11/29. Her orphange is known for bringing children to their parents at the hotel a day early...so there's a chance we may be meeting Miao on Sunday, 11/28. We'll see what happens. We plan to decorate the hotel room with a "Welcome Home" banner, balloons and decorations.
The weather is very warm in GZ these days...much like the temperatures in Houston except it's not predicted to be in the 80's, as it has been this week in Houston. We plan to do lots of swimming!! (our hotel has an indoor swimming pool, which will help if for any reason the temperatures aren't as warm as predicted)
We learned late tonight that our daughter is aware that we are coming and she wanted to know if her father is coming and who exactly was coming for her.
Well, it's 12:30am and my alarm will be going off in 3 hours, so best close for now.
Blessings to all & Happy Thanksgiving!!
It's finally here.....it's been a tough couple of weeks but finally, it's time for us to leave!! We've been going non-stop rushing around gathering all that we need, getting the house in order, gathering copies of documents needed for the adoption, packing, trying to sort out problems with BOTIS a travel agency our adoption agency recommeneded and the list goes on BUT, once we board that plane, it's all a distant memory and what's been done is done....and what isn't, won't get done. The best news ever is that we are bringing our beautiful daughter home!!!
We have a direct flight from Houston to Tokyo....a short lay-over and then on to Guangzhou!! We'll be in GZ the entire trip....17 days! Our flight time will be approximately 18 hours and we will arrive our hotel, 24-25 hours after leaving Houston.
We meet our daughter on Monday, 11/29. Her orphange is known for bringing children to their parents at the hotel a day early...so there's a chance we may be meeting Miao on Sunday, 11/28. We'll see what happens. We plan to decorate the hotel room with a "Welcome Home" banner, balloons and decorations.
The weather is very warm in GZ these days...much like the temperatures in Houston except it's not predicted to be in the 80's, as it has been this week in Houston. We plan to do lots of swimming!! (our hotel has an indoor swimming pool, which will help if for any reason the temperatures aren't as warm as predicted)
We learned late tonight that our daughter is aware that we are coming and she wanted to know if her father is coming and who exactly was coming for her.
Well, it's 12:30am and my alarm will be going off in 3 hours, so best close for now.
Blessings to all & Happy Thanksgiving!!
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